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*Just now I was talking with my mother after dinner, told her* 👇👇 """See I am not having any resentment or anything inside key I should throw anger on you to say *THAT YOU DESTORYED MY LIFE*... nothing bad has happened to me, it was just a loss of my own identity & confidence, which I need to do it again. And you don't need to get worried or headache *if I don't know anything, my adult guardianship is there to take care of me & understand which level person I am* I don't have any complain, blam or grudges towards my trauma, I just don't know how to deal & solve it, that all I will do with my adult guardianship, as he tell me👉👉 *"""YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ALONE IN YOUR HEALING JOURNEY, I AM THERE WITH YOU""""*

I learned to become invisible

Nah Empathy is like a bright light on a dark night to those that use, abuse and target resources of others. Steady your own emotions first. Not here to fix the problems of others - save yourself and don't be the one to step up all the time for others.

I keep being insulted as impulsive or aggressive but it's I never scream insult them etc. As I grew up with 2 narcissistic parents, I guess it's toxic ppl who project on me. Another reason is they demand too much, I am willing to help and I give 100% at work, but i live wirh chronical pain daily and i just cant be expected to solve the others problems or to take the responsibility for their lacking actions. That's when it's getting too much and then I defend myself by saying no and again it happens. I think normal ppl would not be energy vampires all the time and the fact they insult... I think actually it's good to have some anger cause otherwise you would never say no and keep getting exploited . I guess I've been living for too long in the freeze response, I feel alive only when I'm angry or do sports Being sad and depressed all the time it's at least progressing from emotional freezing, but it's still too overwhelming, I feel bodily and emotional disconnected from my environment Meditation and prayer don't work with me as I'm too often dissociated then I lose myself entirely in a fantasy world when I have a crush . I think it's about overthinking here, disconnected from body and feelings but the mind creates these inner movies and dreams. I also sometimes project my wishes on men making myself a victim to sex addicts, in reality it's not like I imagine them to be. In Slaa terms, I would say romanticizing. As shutting down is about losing time, I believe wish fantasizing it's kind of related to it

I'm working on the boundaries bit, but really appreciate the fact you mentioned how being an empath can be a gift too ...we just need to know how to wield it!

Chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo really has helped regulate my nervous system…..great video!

I ended up with a reactionary abuser... In recovery now. This is no light matter. My husband married me to do this abuse to me. I am 1.5 years into recovery

I think you missed one which is poor social skills, unless you’d put that under anxiety or self-esteem. I’ve noticed that the people I know who are most socially confident are those with loving and engaged parents. Obviously correlation is not causation though.

Has anyone purchased the book please? if so is the method doable? easy enough? effective for you? I realise we are all different.

never bonded with my mom.

Guys I let go of control again and again do I have less this style. Improvement is possible. Those who struggle with control go to 12 steps meetings

I really loved this video Alex , thankyou . Really helps having it broken down and makes so much sense. Can I ask though How do we allow & process those feelings and emotions that are blocked? I realise that I experience disassociation a lot, or I then go into a highly anxious state which means I experience a lot of anxiety and now Paranoia. I feel numb a lot. How do we feel those feelings but with Safety. Especially when dealing with CPTSD ? Thankyou in advance for your reply, or maybe someone else can comment /reply to this question

I think everyone recovers after menopause

#1 That’s me totally numb and constantly distracting myself to avoid the pain of my seemingly hopeless situation. #2 is my brother who self identifies as batshit crazy and projects his mental health problems on to me. #3 Intellectuals like my father suffer a great deal because they torture themselves trying to make sense of what happened.

Yes there not there emotionally your alone.

From the Tao Te Ching - "Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power." Lao Tzu

This sounds too much like me! Safer to just put on an act. Safer I think😮😢

I have had #2,3 4 since I was eleven. Now, at 74, I am experiencing #1.When your parents are given the chance to get you in therapy and prefer to get rid of you, you learn they do not care.

I didn't get love from my biological mother because she was not allowed to bond with me before giving me up. My biological father left while she was pregnant leaving her feeling unloved. My adoptive mother had a neglectful childhood and was emotionally unavailable. My adoptive father was loving but was so busy doing a job he hated to provide for our family that he was too tired to love us demonstratively. I learnt to be a people pleaser to get love. I also learnt that being ill got me nurturing attention because my adoptive Mother was a nurse. I feel desperate for love and am too clingy in intimate relationships or don't know how to react to love and push it away. I find it very frustrating. Thank you for your video and a change to open up.

My inner critic works overtime when I feel angry, upset or hurt when triggered by others. I have been called ‘difficult’ by my mum, and ‘too sensitive’ by my sister. I rage inside but don’t know how that express my emotions safely or effectively. I was sent to my room by my parents whenever I expressed anger or frustration when I was a child. I would cry myself to sleep. I had no emotional connection with my mum, who had issues with her mum, whose mother died when she was 5 years old, and my dad although warmer emotionally, controlled me with silent treatment. I felt unloved and invisible. I ran away from school when I was 4 years old, and threatened to run away when I was a teenager. I left my marriage and family and ran away permanently at 46, which I guess makes me avoidant! My partner is autistic, so I often find the situation escalates out of control if I address any issues as he feels criticised. I’m learning to STOP my inner critic ‘Jane’, and allow myself to find equilibrium. Your ‘In Therapy’ podcasts are my essential listening as I drive to and from work! Thank you. I am learning and applying so much. I feel that I am growing more stable emotionally. ☺️🌿

Until what age are these things most important? Is this early childhood you're talking about or all the way thru teens?

I learn to be controlling and Tough on the outside so no one will ever hurt me again. What a mess.... and I am 67 this coming July 1. I feel so stupid.

Yep.

I really don’t have a clue what it is like to feel my emotions. I am 57 and feel lost

When I finally began to feel my emotions, joy and spontaneous daily smiles replaced a looooong depression.

As a Muslim, belief in one God, the Merciful and the Just. 5 times daily prayers, and praying and talking to God/Allah in prostration. Remembrance of God/hymming/ zikr and reciting and contemplating on the Qur'an, the words of Allah. Believing that fate and destiny is from God and that there is a wisdom in everything, and that there is also reward in this world and the hereafter for patience in suffering, and for everything that inflicts you. Disconnecting with toxic people and forgiving them. Accepting that this life is temporary and a test, and belief in life after death. Helping others in distress and need❤

I avoid going out of my immediate area where I live, and have done since January 2020. I only go out of my rural home to walk my dog, and can only go a certain distance away from my home, before I have to return to my safe place - my home. I am on edge most of the time, waiting for the next bad thing to happen. The only way I seem to be able to relax is drinking my g & t, but I know this maybe only making things worse, but it is my enjoyment for the time being. I am 67 years young now, and realize that my anxiety started when I was about 4 1/2 being taken to school, and wanting to stay at home, as it turns out I am dyslexic, so I did not learn to read until I was about 9 I think. No one understood dyslexia when I was at school, and so I was the bottom of my class, and kept down a year, which only made things worse for me, as no one wanted to be the stupid girl's friend. I remember the one friend I had, said to me one day "I will be your friend if you don't tell anyone" - you can imagine what that did to my confidence?! xxx

I have had so much trauma in my life idont know how to feel now 59 i have been hurting all my life, and i can't deal with this anymore

There is a German fairytale called The cold heart which describes the first thing emotional very well. I kept reading as a kid almost knew it by heart.

I really thank you for putting this video for us to see.

Gosh, all of them.

i am tired,and my skin has been inflammed since my small t trauma events, i have spent alot of money to try and figure this out, and watching you on the MCAS summit i am trying you free for the monment

Im 58 years old and Im only beginning to understand this now up to now all i have been doing is feeling anxiety and running feeling anxiety and running and so on and on and on.

I am 1 of 12. I am not sure if I can 1:10

Such a knowledgeable experience doctor of psychology.

U feel incomplete when u r not connected to ur mind and body

Love this, but the adverts would be much better at the beginning than the end - it brings you back with a crash!!

❤

Wish I could find a therapist like you. Very hard to find a good trauma therapist. Most other therapists don't understand or don't specialize in trauma.

I have developed an anxious twitching in my body, that gets worse when I am under stress. I have had an mri and seen a neurologist for this...all testing was normal.

Yeah, that a sad thing that unconscious parents gave us a lot of job to do with ourselves. My parents were always trying to shut me down by saying calm down, stop crying, or gaslight the happened things, like it's nothing, why you cry, life is beautiful. Life is beautiful when you are allowed to live like a human not like a robot performing functions: school mode, uni mode, search job mode, work mode, relationship mode, cooking food mode etc. no feelings only modes, and when something small or big thing or situation happens that freaks us out we are feeling extremely overwhelmed to the heavens because we are shocked what is that 😮 we have never been prepared or allowed to feel that but we feel, so the strategy is to get rid of feelings not to feel them having learnt that from our crazy parents with their crazy recommendations and advices

I still suffer with this despite having had therapy for a year. I'm wondering if I will ever be free :(

I was well fed. Lived in a nice house and was well dressed. I was not wanted( my Gran told me) My father lived abroad for the first 7 years of my life and then worked away from home to get away from my mother. I was an only child. I realise now what a strong person I became at an early age I trusted no one.I relied on my gut feelings. I was lucky to marry young and should have disowned my parents. My biggest mistake was constantly trying to prove I was a nice successful person to my mother who hated me all her life. Never held me and ran me down to her siblings and anyone else who would listen to her about her horrible daughter. Her hatred intensified in Dementia.

And how Do I meet that need myself?

ryt

Deny emotions, push through, control, never feel safe

Hey..! This is Alex, the person being interviewed. (Perhaps I should have used a different name to make discussing this easier, lol.) I just wanted to say that I am still, 4 years on, quite grateful for Alex (Howard)'s time. His suggestion about napping after breakfast in order to avoid crashing around 4pm worked like a charm. The day after the interview, I modified my napping schedule; for the past four years I have been napping for about two hours after breakfast and again for two hours between 3 and 5 pm, and I never crash now (unless I over-exert myself or do a poor job napping). My energy is much more even throughout the day, and I feel like I'm getting just the right amount of rest to feel okay all day long. My thanks to Alex Howard and the Optimum Health Clinic, it truly makes a big difference in my day-to-day.

Overthinking, cintroling, isolate, black and White projection

I’ve just found you, I feel I was guided towards this information. I’m definitely an empath, and a HSP, and I have taken on other people’s thoughts and emotions throughout my life. It’s only recently that I’ve began to notice what’s mine, and what’s other people’s - this is great info, everyone needs energetic boundaries in place xx

I have all 4, I am 60 years old and there IS also rage,